*Sigh*
 
So i got my bloodwork done, but i got the news from the LapBand doctor that
they will not be doing another seminar untill the new year and it looks
like i wont get my first appointment until at least march!
So with that in the very far future i need to do something now! i hate how
i look, how i feel.  So i am debating doing Weight Watchers again.  But i
have like zero motivation!  i used to have so much now its gone!  i dont
know if i need a kick int he ass or what!  Any opne have any words of
wisdom or encouragement? i could really use them right now!
 

So I haven't blogged in a while.  I am just not feeling well, but I'm back.
Wedding plans are coming along nicely i just need to figure out the finer
details, like music for the ceremony.  Anyone have any ideas?  What songs
did you use for the parents being seated?  The Bridal Party? The unity
candle lighting? i have no idea about what to use.  Any ideas for mother
son dance? Father Daughter?  i am at a total loss!   I also have to find
out what the venue allows, if they have a piano or anything there that we
can use.  I just feel overwhelmed and i have no ideawhat I'm doing, my best
friend is no help her mom planned her entire wedding!   So any help or tips
i would truly appreciate!
oh and i finally got the script to get my labwork done! so i will get it
done Saturday!
 

Grrr.  I am so annoyed!  I still have not gotten the script for my
bloodwork from my doctor.  I have to have this in order to go to the
seminar for the lap band!  I requested it 3 weeks ago almost.  I called and
they said it went tot he wrong address and that they resent it! I just want
to get started with it!
Im alsoa bit torn about what to do.  I know i have gained weight in recent
months, i can tell by my clothes.  I also know if i stop screwing around
and work out daily and eat better i can lose what i gained, however, one
thing my insurance wants me to do befroe they will approve me for the
surgery is prove i can lose weight.  So when i get my first appointment at
the seminar they will weigh me give me a goal weight and put me on south
beach.  I have to lose that set amount before they can schedule me for
surgery.  So if i lose weight now, it might hinder my weightloss before the
surgery.  So i dont know I think the best thing is to work out a few days a
week and just hope to maintain the weight i am at.  I am just afraid if i
keep losing that i will hinder the losing beofre i even get tot he
appointment, but at the same time im pissed off at my self for gaining.  Im
really mad.  Ever since we moved we just cannot get on track.  I think I
left my willpower and motivation at my old apartment!
So my goal, and hopefully because there are actually people reading this i
will do it, is to get up at 5am 3 days a week and do at least 30 minutes on
the eliptical that is in my basement.  That at will at least help some.  I
dont know what do you think?  Getting up at 5 means to bed early!! *yawn* i
love my sleep!
And I just am unsure what to do ! I know i dont want to keep gaining!   If
I stop excersizing i gain weight, i know my sisters have the same problem
also. My younger sister is very thin but she works out 7 days a week at
least 2 hours a day!  I know i need to work out too but i dont like it! lol
i guess that is why i am here.  But I have to do it. I am ashamed of all
the gaining and i have to get my head in the game i guess! lol god that
sounds fucking tacky!  And I am NOT going through surgery just to fail.  We
have a woman at work who had bypass and lost 100 pounds (she was about 200
over weight) and now has gone through all of that and gained it all back!
I cant imagine that!  So my motivatiion is my wedding!  Im going to be an
over weight bride BUT i dont need to be THIS overweight!
 
 
 

Did you ever look at a picture of yourself and say "Holy Shit!!! Who the
hell is that Cow."  Yeah I totally had one of those moments today.  I got a
text from my Mother.  It was a picture she took of me when i tried on
wedding dresses in the dress i love.  I thought it looked good.  But Wow do
i look horrendious!  Talk about a healthy does of motivation!  *Yikes*  If
I wasnt going out to dinner tonight for my sisters birthday i would be on
the eliptical for an hour!!  I swear to god that I will get up early
tomorrow and work out!  I have to i cannot put on a white dress looking the
way i do!
 
Ok now for my real blog lol
 
So how did i come to the decision to do the Lap Band procedure?
Well as i said before my weight goes up it goes down and repeat.  I never
Ever feel full, im always hungry and the hunger takes over all my willpower
is shot to shit.  I always said that I would never have gastric bypass,
that is too risky and the cut out part of your stomach.  But i also
promised my self that if i turned 30 and wasnt able to lose allt he weight
on my own then i would look into other ways.
As my bday got closer a good firend at work told me about the lap band.
She was going to have it.  I started researching it and i loked that A) my
stomach doesnt get cut up B) its laporscopic C) Its removable and
adjustable D) If I decide to have babies they remove all the saline from
the band so i can gain weight for my baby.
I also researched the death rate compaired to the gastric bypass and it is
so much lower.
And the lap band doesnt make you drop so much weight so fast.  They say
once the band is adjusted to the correct sizze for you, you will lose about
2 pounds a week.
So last week i found out pending the results of my thyroid screening i was
accepted to the program at one of the local hospitals.  As long as my
thyroid is good then sometime in november or december i will go to a
seminar to meet hte doctors and listen to a presentation and if i want to
continue i will make my first appointment.
Right now I am waiting for my Primary doctor to mail me the script for the
thyroid test.  He sent it to the wrong address so he had to mail it
again...
 
 
 
 
 

So I guess this is my backstorey.  And its about as big as my ass. lol.  So
I was born in 1978.  I was a normally weight when i was born.  I was a
little bit premie but i seemed to be healthy.  I had asthma and back then
they put you on steroids.  Those do make you gain weight but  who the hell
really knows if that was the start of the weight gain.  Growing up  my
parents never had a ton of money but we always had all that we needed and
we were spoiled.  But one thing my parents, my Mom especially, did was
rewarded us with food.  If your good you get a happy meal.  If you pass we
go out to eat.  When your upset you get ice cream.  So that is how i
learned that food=comfort and food=celebration.  My parents did take me to
a nutritionist.  Put me on diets but weightloss be damned i would sneak
food.  As I got to be older I tried so many things to lose weight.
Especially in high school.  In junior high and high school kids were so
mean.  I got picked on allot.  But what fat kid didn't.  When i was 11 my
Mother put me on Weight Watchers.  But she really didn't help too much and
I was 11 so of course it didn't work.  When i was in 9th grade I tried slim
fast.  I stuck it out for a week.  But i just couldn't just drink a
freaking shake and feel full.  I'm sorry that doesn't work at all! I tried
to just not eat.  But by lunch time i got so light headed that i damn near
fainted.  I tried shakes, mixes, starving myself, diet pills the ones with
ephedra that made my heart race so bad i thought that i was gonna die!   I
tried to eat as little as i could but i just couldnt do it.  In hindsight I
really did  need help or just support.  But I didnt have it.  My parents
are wonderful but they just dont understand.  I felt so alone!   And no
matter how good i was doing on that weeks "diet"  The second someone made
fun of me, which happened almost daily, i would turn to my good friend food
to make me feel better.
 
When i was 21 I moved in with my sister who was going through a divorce.
So it worked out good.  I didnt have a car, and the 2 of us worked together
so we could go together.  When I went to the doctors he suggested that i
see a Dr Ambruse who specialized in weight loss .  So i did. So i sat there
and listened to all him and his nutritionist said and left with a script
for Meridia and Xenecal.  That one was fun.  If i at too much fatty foods
well look it up i wont gross you out here!   Its the predecessor to Alli.
Two words oily discharge.  Eww.  So i took those for about six months.
Walked every where ate right and lost some weight.  But the cold hard truth
was i could no longer afford the drugs, my insurance would not cover them
so i was paying the $200 a month.  At this point my sister had all but
moved in with her boyfriend, she still paid her half of the rent and drove
me to work but all the utilities were mine and with the gas bill alone i
was hurting so bad for money.  Something had to go and it was the weight
loss drugs.   And as soon as i stopped it was like i felt it.  I still
tried to eat right  But i really think the drugs were a mental thing, a
crutch.  And the weight came back.  When our lease was up i moved into a
tiny hell hole efficiency apartment.  I loved alone and it was so
depressing.  The only contact i had with people was at work.  I didn't have
to many friends and the ones i had either moved out of state or worked
different shifts than i did so we could never connect.  I tired to stick to
a healthy eating style but in retrospect i was so miserable that i
sabotaged myself.  About 6 months after my move i got a call that changed
me forever.  One of my best friends had died.  Being so young and losing
someone so close to you is horrible.  My friend was my age! To young  to
die!   The depression i was in got worse.  Also at that time i was at a job
that i loved but i hated my co workers.  I felt like i was in high school
again, i was teased and made fun of for my weight daily.  So yeah i turned
to my life long friend for comfort.  Who was that you ask?  Well food
silly!  I got bigger.
 
Fast forward a few years i found a new job it paid less but i was happy.  I
joined Weight Watchers for probably the 30th time! Got bored but not
discouraged I was gonna do Atkins! Meat and Cheese for me baby!   I loved
Atkins with a passion.  I felt full and i was losing weight!  So when i
started getting slight heart burn i didn't really pay attention i just
popped Tums like candy!  but then the pain started.  The abdominal pain got
worse and worse and i spent so much time in the ER being told that there
was nothing wrong with me.  It was horrible.  I lost weight because i
couldnt eat.  I ended up 6 months later havening surgery to remove my
gallbladder that was so full of sludge and stones that the surgeon told me
he didn't know how i was managing the horrible attacks i was getting .  I
had surgery but i was still new at my job so i had no paid time off.  I got
so far behind on my bills that i had to move home.  Got depressed gained
weight same old same old!
i lived home for a bit then back out on my own, met and moved in my now
fiancee and together we joined Weight Watchers(about time number 45 here
lol) and we lost weight but we moved and thought that we could do it alone
and now here we are 10 months until we get married and both needed to lose
weight.  He just 30 pounds and me, well at least 100.
 
Stay tuned tomorrow and I will let you know how i decided to look into the
lap band surgery!
 

So you found me.  Lucky you lol!  Since you found my new blog I should at
least be polite and tell you about myself!
Who am I? Well I am a PlusSizeBride and my blog name suggests,
Real name?  Not necessary to know
Age: *gulp* 30 yikes its hard to admit that
Where do i live?Upstate NY
When did I get engaged? 8/10/200/
When am i getting marries ? September 2009
Any kids?  Unless the Fiancee counts, no
Any pets? 3 cats and a Fiancee
What do you do for a living? Well i work lol
Why are you blogging? I am hopping that in blogging about getting prepared
for my wedding, the planning and other issues it will keep me motivated.
 
So it was suggested to me that maybe people would be interested in what i
was doing.  Why the hell anyone would care about some fat chick in Upstate
New York i have no idea but why not!
 
So here is what is going on with me.  I am preparing for my Wedding in the
fall of 2009 and I am starting the process of having the lap band surgery.
If you don't know what that  is you can go to WWW.LapBand.com
 
I made this decision after many years of struggling with my weight.  One
question that is asked on the application to the weight loss clinic that I
am going to for the surgery is "When did you first notice that you were
Obese?"   Well my answer to that is i never noticed it.  I already knew i
was.  I have been obese for as long as i can remember.  I grew up in the
shadow of two beautiful and skinny sisters and family members asking me why
are you not skinny  like your sisters.  Yeah kinda depressing.  But i don't
want you to feel bad for me.  I am not here for that.  I am going to
attempt to blog daily.  I will blog here  and on my blog at
Myspace.  I will basically give you a glimpse of what is going on with
the getting ready for the surgery and what that entails and just my daily
struggles.  Hopefully you will find it entertaining at the least.  Feel
free to add me to msn messenger.  My email is lusSizeBride@hotmail.com">PlusSizeBride@hotmail.com myspace is 

 myspace.com/plussizebride